So today is all about a habit I wished I didn't have. There are so many to choose from.
I suppose I will astound friend and foe alike by saying...I wish I was a little more positive.
And
before anyone decided to go get their hearing checked, let me qualify
that statement--what I really mean is I wish I was less like my mother. I
have had a vivid reminder of how my mother operates, and while there
are many good things I could say about her, her doomday predictions make
me was to slam her head into the nearest wall repeatedly. I had nearly
forgotten how much her negativity brought me down or how deeply her
doubts sliced into my self esteem. I have managed to curb the tendency
to be that bad myself, but I have not quashed it.
Don't get me
wrong, I will never be Pollyanna, and I never hope to be one. Too much
sweetness and light tends to give me screaming fits, and I run put on
dark music or angry horror movies to make the teeth grating cheeriness
dissipate. I do not believe in the best of humanity, and I am a firm
believer in Murphy's Law. In fact, I sometimes suspect I am Murphy's
butt boy.
But...there is a limit. And it's a limit I often cross.
I'm
not even sure how to tackle this one because I'm never sure when I'm
doing it. Can't ask my friends, as every one of them has a different
definition of "negative," and the ones living closest to me are the
cheeriest. Honestly, I think they're genetically predispositioned to it
somewhere in their DNA. All I really want is a better balance, and maybe
a justified belief in the best of things again.
This one will probably take some thought.
And therapy.
And possibly a miracle.
...was that negative?
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